My Wife, the Somnambulist February 23, 2009Posted by baldricman in Baldric-Man, General.
Tags: intruder, rhino, rhinoceros, sleep, sleep walking, somnambulism
So there I was, sleeping peacefully at home with my wife, Philippa. We’d only been married a few weeks, so I was still getting used to the whole deal. We had just returned from honeymoon, a few days ago, part of which included a stint at the Hluhluwe-Imfolozi Game Reserve in KZN (forget about Kruger people…). Allow me to replay a 5 minute portion of that night for you:
Suddenly, I am awoken by the urgent whisper from my lovely bride, “Kevin! Kevin!”
I’m instantly on red-alert, at action stations, and the adrenaline is pumping. What could it be? What foul beast has dared enter my domain!?
I whisper back “What is it?”
“Sshhhh!” she impatiently whispers, as I’ve clearly just alerted the enemy to our awareness of him.
I whisper back, quieter this time “What is it?”, all the while trying to imagine what kind of damage can be done with a glass of water, the only weapon at hand.
“Over there….” She says, pointing above her head to the window.
My blood runs cold, as I debate whether to revert back to my very successful 6-year old strategy of hiding under the covers and not breathing. But no, I am now the man of the house, and I need to stand up and defend the damsel. So I look, slowly, and with one eye, over to the window. Not seeing anything, I ask again, a little more panicky this time,
“What? I don’t see anything?”
“There! It’s right there!” she says in obvious frustration at my ineptitude.
“What? Where??” I reply, my voice steadily rising in pitch.
“There, just look!” she says out loud now, all caution to the wind, and rather impatiently.
“It’s a rhinoceros!”
Realising that my wife is actually asleep still, and in one of her “sleep-walking” modes I’ve heard so much about from her family, I’m just about to reply with something soothing when she interrupts with
“Wait, sorry love, it’s not one…”
Realising she has woken herself, I smile, and wait expectantly to capitalize on her embarrassment.
Alas, her very next words are
“IT’S TWO RHINOS!”
I roll over and go back to sleep.