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My Wife, the Somnambulist February 23, 2009

Posted by baldricman in Baldric-Man, General.
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So there I was, sleeping peacefully at home with my wife, Philippa. We’d only been married a few weeks, so I was still getting used to the whole deal. We had just returned from honeymoon, a few days ago, part of which included a stint at the Hluhluwe-Imfolozi Game Reserve in KZN (forget about Kruger people…). Allow me to replay a 5 minute portion of that night for you:

 

Suddenly, I am awoken by the urgent whisper from my lovely bride, “Kevin! Kevin!”

I’m instantly on red-alert, at action stations, and the adrenaline is pumping. What could it be? What foul beast has dared enter my domain!?

I whisper back “What is it?”

“Sshhhh!” she impatiently whispers, as I’ve clearly just alerted the enemy to our awareness of him.

I whisper back, quieter this time “What is it?”, all the while trying to imagine what kind of damage can be done with a glass of water, the only weapon at hand.

“Over there….” She says, pointing above her head to the window.

My blood runs cold, as I debate whether to revert back to my very successful 6-year old strategy of hiding under the covers and not breathing. But no, I am now the man of the house, and I need to stand up and defend the damsel. So I look, slowly, and with one eye, over to the window. Not seeing anything, I ask again, a little more panicky this time,

“What? I don’t see anything?”

“There! It’s right there!” she says in obvious frustration at my ineptitude.

“What? Where??” I reply, my voice steadily rising in pitch.

“There, just look!” she says out loud now, all caution to the wind, and rather impatiently.
“It’s a rhinoceros!”

Realising that my wife is actually asleep still, and in one of her “sleep-walking” modes I’ve heard so much about from her family, I’m just about to reply with something soothing when she interrupts with

“Wait, sorry love, it’s not one…”

Realising she has woken herself, I smile, and wait expectantly to capitalize on her embarrassment.

Alas, her very next words are

“IT’S TWO RHINOS!”

I roll over and go back to sleep.

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Comments»

1. Deems - February 23, 2009

Definitely one of those candid camera moments! Sorry, Pips.

2. Cathrine - February 23, 2009

Hahaha! Ho boy! What would marriage be without the midnight “honey, where is the salmon?” conversations or one of my personal favs, a la Hubby…
Him: “The delete command is d e l e…”
Me: “wha?”
Him: (all irratated) “what are you trying to delete anyway?”
Me: “I’m not trying to delete anything”
Him: “Then what are you messing around in the pop server for?”

3. baldricman - February 23, 2009

Haha Cath, thats brilliant! I frequently have to deal with some sort of shenanigans from Pips. A few weeks ago she jumped ou t of bed and turned on the lights, so she could find her keys. Now THAT was a wake up call.
Oh, and when I say “jumped”, I mean she made it in one bound from bed (horizontal) to the lightswitch across the room. I think the lights were on before her feet had touched the carpet. *sigh*
But you adapt I guess 🙂

4. Deems - February 23, 2009

LOL, I’ve done the single-leap from bed to light switch before – but that was due to a muscle spasm in my calf! I have been told I sometimes talk in my sleep, don’t think we’ve had “sleep-conversations” before though 🙂

baldricman - February 24, 2009

@Deems: last time I did the single-leap thing was when I was probably around 7, and knew that my feet being anywhere near the floor, when the lights were out, was a really bad idea.
Thanks for commenting 🙂

5. Cathrine - February 24, 2009

It’s a fact of life when you’re under 10yrs that the floor is lava when the lights go out 😉

6. Deems - February 24, 2009

@baldricman – that reminds me of Monsters Inc.


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