Baldric-Man! and the Discovery of the Baldrina-Woman! March 11, 2009Posted by baldricman in Baldric-Man.
Tags: baldric, baldrina, first date, hero, lycra, manly, superhero
Found this old thing from a few years ago, and thought I’d post it (as per request of an old friend…)
The Incredible Adventures of Baldric-Man!
Watch! As our mighty hero smoothly slides towards his victim, his flashy smile only slightly more noticeable than his bulging pectorals and buns o’ steel. The kitchen counter groans and creaks under the weight of his well-built arm, as he leans against it oh so casually. His taut body rests, straight as an arrow, at 45 degrees to the counter. Quick as a spider on caffeine, his soft yet manly hands flick back the dark locks from his brow, just before the prey turns and catches his eye.
What a hunk! What a dude! His keen 7th sense picks up the quiet gasp from his quarry. He steels himself for just a moment, before unleashing his secret weapon!
“Soooo, baby…. what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” he says, oozing charm and confidence. The tension is thick in the air, as Baldric-Man! braces himself for the girl to throw herself at him…
“Actually, you invited me here” the blonde replies coolly. Somewhere near the super hero, the faintest utterance of “bugger” can be heard.
BUT!! Our manly man rallies on, impervious to retort and not ready to give up!
“Gorgeous, ” he says, “how about, you, me, a bottle of wine…”
“Um, helping me out at the homeless shelter?”
“Not gonna happen buster.”
Baldric-Man! begins sweating, and the purple dye of his lycra starts to run.
“I have lots of money, and a Ferarri?”
“That doesn’t seem likely”
“Ok then! Fine! I have an old rusty jalopy! Happy?!?” explodes our man in frustration. A faint smile crosses her lips.
“Oooooh, really?” Baldric-Man! leaps back into the game, alert as always to those subtle clues that lesser men would miss!
“That’s right honey, wanna go for a ride?”
“Oooooh yes!” she says, giggling.
“Then it’s settled!” our hero proclaims!
“From this day forth, I shall call you…..” (insert FANFARE here) “Baldrina-Woman!”
And that, dear fans, is the story of how Baldric-Man! and Baldrina-Woman! met. To this day, they still battle the evil forces of Work, across the universe.
Stay tuned folks, for another exciting, thrilling, action-packed episode of
The Incredible Adventures of Baldric-Man!!!
Ed’s note: It is with sadness I point out that the Baldric-Mobile! has since been sold, but was fortunately replaced with the upgraded model, the Baldric-Another-Mobile!